Guest Post by Steve Knight: Points to ponder

Before you French kiss me with your Chauchat, let me tell you without more ado that I am doing an I.M. Beck. And that’s just for the pseudonym. I have been juggling with the idea of starting a blog for ages, and now time, frayed nerves and circumstances permit. I’m catching myself shouting ‘bullshit’ with every other breath I take. And by that, I am not referring to The Police’s discography. That’s certainly no bull.

With crap being thrown at us daily by our own Clooney-boy, one just can’t sit down sipping one’s tea and let him smirk at his fibs, as if nothing is happening. And that’s where I am constantly spluttering the ‘b’ word albeit drenched with tea leaves soaked in boiling water, a hint of milk and no sugar please. And that does not augur for my nerves, health and sanity. This explains these points to ponder.

And if that struck you as familiar, let me ease you off your brain search. That’s a page title you’ll find in the good old Readers’ Digest. I used to love leafing through it and this title somehow stuck to my mind. And thinking of it, I also remember another page title – Laughter is the best Medicine – which brings me back to Clooney-boy’s antics. Some are saying that he missed going to the Casino opening on Saturday, to meet his mate Tom Cruisey. And that’s not a spelling mistake. Maybe he wanted to brush up the vaudeville side in him.

The Good

Have to be the

Nazzjonalisti

hux! They’re the self-proclaimed elite of the nation and as elite as a bloody can of tuna. You know how it is with canned foods. The product might look and taste good, but if you take out the preservatives and whatnot from the equation, you’re left with a rotten mess in a can. Talking about these preservatives takes me to the other, rubbery kind. Geez! Some should wear a couple. To shut their traps. Stretch them over their heads down to the neck, if needs be. And secure the ring with a 100-year old

maduma

to form a tighter seal. Guess that might prevent them from impregnating their gullible with political crap. Opinions are opinions, but not blatant lies. Elite my varicose-veined foot!

Now that was a good one! Clooney-boy did not even bother to check his own party’s political history before going through the whole charade of keeping the “100 year-old” (sic) party flag in view, framed to his office wall. And I fink (that’s the elite way of pronouncing the English “th”, and the proper way, mind you!) and am kind-of pretty sure, that that’s how he hip-fires his political blah. Thuck! That’s good politics for you!

They’re as elite as pretentious Mrs Bucket. I wonder who told these numbskulls that it’s their predestiny to govern.

The Bad

The

Laburisti

hux! They’re so bad in governing that unemployment has been the lowest in years, with sustained job creation. So freaking bad that the EU is forecasting Malta to achieve an economic growth of 3.9% this year, placing it in third place; so God-damn bad that real GDP growth peaked in 2015 and so bad that Malta registered a major drop in debt. And what about the upward trend in tourism, record in cruise liner passengers, foreign investment, €62 million point something reduction in trade deficit, to name just a few? That’s bad ay!

Marelli

, these

Laburisti

.

Imagine a strategy meeting at the HQ. Only item on the agenda “What to hit the Government on – note to those attending: concrete ideas desperately needed (not of the Mater Dei type please)”. Blank stares all around. Fingers strumming the poor table. Even tables are unfortunate. Some end up as Her Royal Highness’ breakfast table. Some… oh well!

Suddenly a wee voice is barely heard whimpering “Let’s try Corruption”. Clooney-boy takes it a notch up “That’s it – Mafia”. Round of frantic applause. He smiles and nods. Hold on – remember those Hawaiian girls on a spring which we used to plonk on the car’s dashboard, dancing with each and every bump in the road? Close your eyes for a bit and imagine that kind of nod. He smiles and nods, before engaging in another lap of candy crush saga. You know, reading the 2003 script ‘Spy Kids 3D: Game Over’ – starring the real Clooney, is bedtime reading.

Day’s end. Weary eyes. Wag of a finger and a knowing smile. Better from Behind. Lights off.

The Ugly

“Extra!”, “Extra!”, “The Borg Oliviers are netting a 3 year budget for sportMalta”.

“Extra!”, “Extra!” “That’s 23 years of interest payments bringing expropriation’s total value up to €6.2m”.

Don Corleone

: Santino, what do you think?

Sonny

: There’s a lot of money in that!